Killing floor blog

submitted by e/static on 11 11 17

 

Come in!

Good morning, could I speak?
 


Of course, who are you? Or better - you think you are, could I am my shrink? psychiatrist?

I will take care of you from now
Yes, I could be a doctor, on my badge there would be written my name, my number, etc. In short.... anything you should know in case you wanted to denounce me ... what's up? You don't laugh? Mmm, ok, it doesn't matter. My condition of isolation, apparently absolute, is difficult to understand, even for me, from time to time. So I will ask myself few questions, hopefully not lazy, or even boring questions.

I imagined I wanted to talk. I tell you: I'm fine, if not very good. I do not understand why this interview should be in anyhow necessary. Well, I would have to go home at any time sooner or later. Monowe appears and disappears, and I do with her. We are a fickle couple, you should know it. We don’t like to justify ourselves. Anyway, I'm here, at your disposal.

I'm sure I feel pretty good. Any further confirmation from me will not harm you in any way. Now that you've read my ‘name’ on the badge, would you tell yours?

I have not yet decided how to call me. I am the citizen of Monowe, the only one. I was not born here but it's where I come from.
 


So for now you have no name but you are the only Monowe citizen... And if I did not know Monowe? Where is it? What is it about?

It's the place I live in. To be precise, it is the place where I live only with myself. It is located on a parallel dimension. It's not easy to find, but if you want you can look for it.

I see... Charming. Allow a question, what do you mean by "appears and disappears"? Listening to me I had the perhaps erroneous impression that Monowe was a person rather than a place.

I understand you're a ‘doctor’ with limited views. Monowe is a horizon, as such defines a boundary between a space that is mine, and another that is not and will never be. In the same way you, I, as a person, define a horizon of what is mine, and what I will not always be. Horizons move, and with them my attempt to reach them and possess them fully. This can be very, very frustrating. And every time I leave Monowe I'm forced to talk to some ‘doctor’ or me. Look, the difference is that I live in Monowe, I exist and I'm complete ‘in her’. Unfortunately with you, with me, with all of you here I cannot do the same, you are too many.
 


Monowe is therefore a city, your own city.

Yes, in short, it has everything that defines a city as one with an urban plan. Let's say it has everything I need to be fine. It is clean, tidy and has my smell. When I wake up in the morning and go out of my house, I never feel the pressure to be different from what I am. That is a pressure that everyone vice versa, but really everyone, seems to suffer in the world-out.
 


( ... )

Ok, I understand, this city belongs to you, in space and in time, moreover it has my shape. But don’t you ever feel the need for a confrontation with someone? Don’t you have needs; even concrete ones, that only someone else can satisfy?

Monowe provides to my needs, concrete or not. I also keep talking to you ... that is with me. It's complicated; solitude adds value to precious things. I cannot change my opinion on this. Loneliness has increased my perception. But there is a strange thing: when I applied my increased perception to myself, I lost my identity. There is no public here, no one to perform. You do not have to define me. I became irrelevant, my wishes went away, I do not want anything, not even a name. To put it in a romantic way, I'm completely free.

When you say you have become irrelevant, you do not need to define myself; you mean that you no longer have passions, dissatisfaction or criticism. Does that mean you're all good about Monowe? Is there nothing I want to argue?

I did not build this city, I found myself in it, and actually I have chosen it. Anyway, there are moments and places where I feel uncomfortable, places I feel I want to criticize, but the problem is that I'm not sure whether is the city or myself to bother me. After all, as I said before, Monowe provides all I need; I'm not sure whether myself or I alone would satisfy all my needs.
 


excerpts from Monowe, by Ludovica Carbotta, 2017; with contributions by Sara Filippi, Carlo Fossati, Gian Antonio Gilli, Orizzontale, Matteo Respino; performer: Ondina Quadri, 4 Novembre 2017


 

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